Bush surprised to visit Iraq

President Bush made a surprise trip to the Al Asad Air Base in the Anbar province of Iraq Monday morning.

“Shit yeah it was a surprise,” said a top White House aide under the promise of anonymity. “We told him he was going to Texas. He was completely shocked when he woke up in Iraq.”

Reportedly the President had a tough time distinguishing between the two because both places “are flat, sandy, and everybody hates me.”

Aides said they wanted to take the President to Iraq before his report to Congress on progress there so he could see the “remarkable turnaround” in the Sunni area west of Baghdad.

The President told his aides the only remarkable turnaround anyone was going to see was how fast his ass got back on that plane.

Bush was scheduled to meet with Iraqi Prime-Minister Nuri al-Maliki, who the clever President has nicknamed “Flaming Douchebag.”

The President balked at touring the pro Sunni Anbar region despite his aides telling him what a success the surge has been there.

“My colonoscopy was a success too,” Bush said. “But that doesn’t mean I want to tour my own anus.”

The president stopped in Iraq en route to the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit in Sydney, Australia, although aides have told the President after Iraq they were going to be a big park to play catch.