Afghan President Hamid Karzai said Monday, in a joint press conference with still President George Bush that he is working to root the Taliban from their mountain hideouts. The press conference was held at President Bush’s mountain hideout Camp David where President Karzai is hiding in an opening by the wine cellar.
Bush described the Taliban who ruled Afghanistan and harbored al Qaeda as “brutal cold killers” and “a vision of darkness,” who use torture techniques like “sleep deprivation” and “water boarding” and “release the names of undercover agents” before being handed a slip by an aide which read “You’ve confused them with Cheney again.”
Bush said Afghanistan has 110,000 troops of their own being aided by 23,500 US troops and 26,000 troops from other nations. The Taliban are being aided by about 150 U.S. troops who keep killing their fellow soldiers.
Bush told the media that the United States has committed $23 billion to rebuild Afghanistan. Karzai said much of this went to his indoor kidney shaped pool and curtains at the palace.
Karzai began to say that he planned to have a jigra with Pakistan leaders when he was interrupted by Bush who said that his Grandpa used to have jigras on the property but he built a fence and it kept them out. A perturbed Karzai explained a jigra was an Afghanistan traditional assembly.
Bush was asked if he knew of al Qaeda training camps in Pakistan would he attack without informing president Gen. Pervaz Musharraf. Bush said that he is in constant communication with the Pakistani government and lauded them for playing Billy Ray Cyrus while he waits on the phone. “Heard the entire new album the other day while waiting to talk to President Musharraf.” When asked what the discussions detailed Bush said they were unable to speak because it was 9:30 and Laura put him to bed.
When asked about the number of Afghan civilians killed in U.S. raids Karzai said that President Bush is as concerned about Afghan citizens as he is. When asked how much that was Karzai held up his hand with a small space between his thumb and forefinger and smiled.
Bush says he regrets the deaths of Afghanistan civilians but blames the Taliban. “We know they are eating at a café and then we line up our smart missiles and take it out, but they have already left. If those evil terrorists had the courtesy to have a cup of tea and dessert we would have time to get them.”
Said a member of the Taliban they usually skip desert because it is unhealthy and you have to be in top physical condition to blow yourself up.
The conference ended with Karzai praising Iran and then being quieted by Bush who threatened to take him to “Uncle Dick’s” room to be debriefed.
After the conference Karzai shook hands with the press and slipped several members business cards for Uncle Hamid’s Poppy Field and Heroin Plant with its slogan “When You Care Enough to Shoot up the Very Best.”