Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Gore Hopes Sons Arrest Start of Pattern

First published and edited by http://www.pugbus.net

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - Former Vice President Al Gore announced today that he believes the guilty plea entered by his son, Al III, on Monday is the kick-start the Gore family needs to become an American political dynasty like the Bushes and the Kennedys.

Mr. Gore's son, 24, pleaded guilty to two felony counts of drug possession, two misdemeanor counts of drug possession without a prescription, and one misdemeanor count of marijuana possession. The charges stemmed from his early July arrest in Orange County, California, where he allegedly was driving one hundred miles per hour in a Prius.

“In today’s political climate you can’t hope to be the country’s first family without a number of arrests and deaths,” said the elder Gore. “The Kennedys have a huge head start, and the Bushes a healthy advantage. All I’ve got so far is an elder sister who died of lung cancer in 1984, but with this guilty plea, which sounds pretty darn impressive to me, we have thrown our family’s hat into the ring.”

A source close to the Gore family said the vice president hopes his three daughters—Karenna, 33, Kristin, 20, and Sarah, 28—will put their shoulders to the wheel. Indeed, said the source, Gore family strategists have already met with Kristen to encourage her to have an affair and subsequently a child, preferably with a reality show star “of questionable ethnicity.”

The Gores have also been putting pressure on newlywed daughter, Sarah.

“Whenever I talk to my parents, it’s always ‘why can’t you be more like Lindsay, why can’t you dress like Britney?’” she said. “Every time I go to our family’s vacation home, I get up in the morning and my underwear is missing.”

A Gore family spokesperson said that Sarah is “just being rebellious,” but the Gores fully expect her to be photo-
graphed naked in an alley with a needle in her arm by Christmas.

“Nothing could make a dad happier,” the former vice president sai

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