Monday, June 25, 2007

Post Blames Cheney's Time Machine for Five Year old Story

Amidst criticism that the Washington Post’s “Bleak House” length expose on Vice-President Dick Cheney’s abuse of power has come five years too late, Post Chief Executive Officer Caroline Little announced today that the reporters Barton Gellman and Jo Becker had been ready to file the story in 2002 but were put into, what she termed, a Vice-Presidential time machine.

According to Post insiders Gellman has told his editors that he and Becker left a parking garage in the metropolitan DC area in late 2002, with enough information to bring down the Office of the Vice President, when they got into a cab.

They were shocked to see the driver was the Vice President, who kept driving faster and faster. The next thing they knew they were dropped off at the Post’s offices.

Except now it was five years later.

Little said that they debated running a story about the Vice-President’s time machine but decided to hold it until 2012.

She also stressed that the important thing to remember is not that it took five years to print the story, but that the Post was on the story the entire time.

Arthur O. Sulzberger, Chairman of the New York Times has called Little’s claims that the Vice President has a time machine ridiculous and just another Post excuse on why they were late with the story.

When asked why the Times did not run the story at all, never mind five year late like the Post, Sulzberger stated that the Vice-President has a mind control machine that stopped reporters from filing the story.

White House spokesperson Tony Snow scoffed at the idea, saying that the viral, sexy, stud of a Vice-President, who Snow just signed his Lexus over to, is at Appomattox seeing if he can get the Union a better deal on the Civil War.

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